ONE

Mamie,

it's been a little over a week since you've turned one. you are growing up so fast! i love watching you become a big girl. the other day i told you to stop acting like a baby and grow up (i was only kind of kidding). you do this whiny act when you dont get your way; it sounds like a super forced cry, and then two seconds later you're over whatever made you upset and on to the next thing. Aunt B called you a wild-woman the other day; that kind of scared the shit out of me. you are sweet when you want to be, and a whiny b.r.a.t the other half of the time...pretty much, you're becoming me. Dada and i certainly have created a monster.

let's see, i havent been good about writing to you lately. life's busy, and we are moving fast (you make us move fast)!! i am enjoying you a lot more. that sounds horrible to say, and i dont mean it in a bad way, but darn, months 4 through 9/10 were difficult for me. i have learned so much about myself over this past year. you have definitely made me a better person. i pray daily to God for patience. i've had to let my anxiety go over keeping the house spic & span (spelling?). i think that's why those months were hard for me, because i was learning to let [certain] things go.

right now you are a sleep on our bed. i'm beginning to think i'm going to have the harder time moving you to your own bed. i love snuggling you. we are still nursing a couple times a night. sometimes i will deny you the boob and you sit up in bed whining and doing the sign for milk; so i cave and let you nurse. you are nursing a lot less, so i'm just going to let it play out; i've read most babies wean themselves, which would be a lot less stressful on both of us.

we've got a pretty good nightly routine down. we get home, play a little while i pick up and start dinner; you eat around 6:30ish while watching TV (i know i shouldn't start habits like this, but it's what is working for us)...i learned you will eat a lot more if you focus on something other than me. you can pretty much eat everything Dada and I eat, i just cut it into tiny pieces. for the longest time i was scared to feed you "real" food because you would always choke, but i think i was giving you too big of bites. anyway, after dinner i take you straight to the bath. sometimes we play, sometimes it's a quick rinse and get out, but i've learned that bath-time is a big part to the routine and you go to sleep better and faster after a warm bath. after p.j.s we might play a little more depending on the time, but 7:30 is time to pick out some books, climb in bed, read, and lights out. it was this part of bed-time that used to stress me out, because i knew i had chores to finish and dishes to clean, not to mention if i still hadnt eaten (or fed Dada) yet; but these past couple months i've cut myself (and you) some slack. you are not going to be my baby forever and i began to realize i needed to cherish our moments together. so some nights you might roll around trying to get tired, asking for more milk, wanting to look out the window at the moon, and we do just that. God forbid a chore on my list goes un-checked; that moment where i cant take it anymore because it's the umpteenth time you've sat up in bed while im trying to get you to sleep, and you lean over and plant a big wet kiss on my mouth, and then crash back down and you're out - that is what makes my job the best in the entire world - that is what i live for - and that is what makes me fall deeper in love with you; it's over-coming the hard, trying moments that make me realize the amazing gift i have. that gift is you, baby. you are the best part of every day, and i know Dada would agree with me.

so here is the sad part, because sometimes sadness is inevitable. i pray daily to God. i pray for lots of different things, i pray because i'm thankful, sad, mad, happy, you name it, i've prayed for/about it...
i brought you into this world because i was selfish and wanted you; and i'm so happy and thankful God entrusted me to be your mother. but i'm not going to lie when i think of all the horrible things that i have subjected you to. this world is a scary, shit-show of a place and there are people crazier than me out there. i am certain that you will hear about these types of people; you will witness their horrific acts. i pray that you never see these things first-hand.

for 9+ months i had "total" control over you. i was the one keeping you safe, and then it was time to bring you into this world. i wept the day i left the hospital because i was scared to take you out into the world, but i did want to share you with all the people i loved, so that made it easier. raising you this past year has been stressful; i have daily anxiety for your safety. i know that it will only increase the more i have to loosen my grip on your independence. one day i will not be able to have authority over you and i will have to let you go, and i know part of me will be happy. happy that i've raised you well enough (hopefully ;)) to let you be on your own, but know that my heart will be weeping, because you will always be my little baby.

i hate writing about this in my letter to you, but i've experienced a life-shaping event. one of mommy's oldest and dearest family friends passed away tragically in a car accident this past weekend. she was not wearing her seat belt and the injuries sustained took her life. she was an amazing person who helped change a lot of peoples' lives through the dogs she trained and her infectious personality. this was one of mommy's best friends' big sisters. she was an organ donor and ended up saving five other people's lives. i've done a lot of crying this past week; i hate having to watch some of my oldest friends go through this tragedy. it's absolutely heart-breaking and i pray our family never has to experience this type of pain. i haven't wanted to cry in front of you. i break down at the most random times. for awhile it seemed like a bad dream. she has already gone to be with God, but tomorrow her family will lay her body to rest. it will be a hard day for a lot of people. i know over time i will begin to feel "normal," but anytime i think of Kaye and Leigh, i lose it because i cannot imagine losing my sister. and anytime i think about how their mom might feel, i literally lose my breath and my heart feels like it might stop. that is a feeling i pray i will never fully understand.

Mamie, i love you more than you will ever know. i promise to always keep you safe and have your best interest at heart. you are the very best thing that has ever happened to Dada and i. i promise to not over-exaggerate over the little things in life, because quite honestly, life is too damn short. i love you sweetheart and have had the best year of my life so far. thank you for making it happen and being a part of it. i love you more than words can describe. i love you so much it hurts! i love being your mom and watching the little, sassy lady you are becoming. i am going to end this with two Bible verses i have seen over the past week that have helped guide me through this difficult time. i love you baby.

Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

6in all your ways submit to him,

and he will make your paths straight

namesake & story

originally i fell in love with the name Eloise Parker, and i still love that name, but you were destined to be Mamie from the start; it just sounded (and felt) right...

it's funny how little girls choose baby names for their unborn children; i have probably gone through a dozen or so, but this story is how we chose your name.

back story: i babysat for a family with a little girl named Mamie. i thought she was the cutest little girl, and she had such a sassy personality. i immediately fell in love with her name.

fast forward to us finding out that you were a girl; i decided that Dad and i needed to choose a name together; one that we both loved.

another back story: my wedding band has been in Dad's family for a long time; however not worn by many, other than its original owner and me (and hopefully you one day - although i will not pressure you into this; i know how it is to want something brand new when you start a life with someone ;).

here is what Grandpa sent me before Dad and I got married [12/14/13]:

The ring belonged to my mother's mother; my grandmother, Thomson's great grandmother.  We called her Mamie.  The inside is engraved "GCT to MEK".  Their names were Grover Cleveland Thomson (my name sake) and Mae Elizabeth Knight.  They were married in Savannah, Georgia on September 17, 1914.  I know she would be pleased to know that the wife of another Cleveland Thomson will be wearing it.

That would make Mamie your great-great grandmother! And last year, September 17, 2014, would make the ring 100 years old!! To say I am honor to be wearing this ring is an understatement!

Anyways, the name just seemed right. We wanted to chose a family name, and one that was unique. These days there are not many Mae's around (although I heard its becoming more popular - you are just ahead of the trend ;) 

Quite honestly I went back and forth about whether to nickname you Mamie. After you were born, i wanted you to just be Mae, but i kept thinking about how much i love the name Mamie. So i figured better now than never! You will always be Mae, but if i didn't start calling you Mamie, then it would never stick; i just love the name Mamie, and sometimes i even shorten it to "Maims."

the picture below is Mae Elizabeth. its crazy to think of all the decades she lived through. so much happened during her lifetime. and look at all that hair! i don't know how old she is in this picture, but i wish i knew! 

mamie & christine

this will be a never-ending story...

you have known each other since you've been in our tummies.

Christine was the first to be announced on Mother's Day 2014 at Sunday dinner, and the next weekend we found out you would become part of the family too!

at the time, all we knew was that each of you were there; we didn't know your sex, much less ideas of what your names would be.

we knew y'all would be best friends when we found out together that aunt Leigh and i were both having girls!

Dada and i figured out a name pretty quick. we didn't learn Christine's name until we had the gender reveal.

mae & christine, christeenie & mamie :))) get ready to do pretty much anything and everything together for the rest of your lives, or at least i hope it goes this way ;)

love you both so much, sister-frands!! xoxo!!!

this was the BEST WEEK EVER...you girls were born about 22 hours apart!! you were meant to be besties, or sista-frands. 

this picture was taken a couple days after you both came home from the hospital. this was y'all's very first meeting, and sadly i missed out on it. i tried so hard to come out and be apart of it, but i felt terrible., i think it's also when i realized that something was major wrong with the way i was physically feeling. it's moments like this that I'm glad we have cameras to capture the memories!

Riverside Presbyterian Church: baptism - March 22, 2015

Baptism - after all the excitement. i love this picture. you both look like little dolls!

this is another picture that just melts my heart! i wish i could remember how old you guys were in these pictures...i think you are around 4 months old, judging by what you're wearing. your outfit was one of my favorites!
it's from Gommy (Hobby Horse - size 6 mos.)

i know we were watching a pre-season Jags game, hence you "wild" outfits! you guys were soo tiny!! I miss you being this size :)

you are around 5 months in this picture (shrimp & grits size 6 mos. outfit) Noma bought you all matching outfits. i also know this was taken at a Sunday dinner because y'all are laying on the rug by Noma's front door, while we all ate dinner.

just having some girl friend chats!!

this might have been one of the first times you all were at the pool together. we spent lots of time at the pool the first summer y'all were born! i can't wait until summer 2016 when you will actually be running around wearing your floaties!!!

another pool day & looking like twinsies in your matching sun hats

sisters & "sisters"
i know you and C will love hanging out with the Schweagle girls!!  

this is your 6 month birthday!!!

i love C's big bow. i can't wait for your hair to get thick enough for a huge bow!

this was our last pool day of the summer. i think that summer 2015 was the best summer ever so far! it's crazy to think that the first pool pictures you guys could barely hold your heads up; this day y'all were crawling all over the place! you even dunked yourself in the middle of the baby pool!

this was taken shortly after the picture above (at the pool). we went over to leigh & carter's for a cocktail and you girls just couldn't hang!

there are soooo many more pictures out there! these are just a few that i rounded up, and Lord knows we will have more than we can imagine by the time you girls are 1...a little more than 3 months!! i know the time is going to fly by. you girls will probably have joint birthday parties until you voice reason otherwise. and even then you will always share a family birthday :)))) 

Sugar Mountain: 10-2015

I'm going to go ahead and start this by saying, a vacation is really not a "vacation" after you have a baby. maybe one day it will return to a relaxing time to unwind and just chill, but for now it probably cant be anymore stressful for me. there's all the packing, and accessories (i.e. baby gear), and the what if we need this or that, or what if the weather decided to change, or what if she blows out a diaper everyday...however, i should stop whining because we did *kinda* have fun up in the mountains. we decided to leave after work on Wednesday to drive through the night so you could sleep the whole way. it worked out very well for you. you cried for about 30 minutes out pf the 7.5 hours. we arrived at 3 am and were sooo tired, none the less you woke up at 7:30 am. we had planned to take you to do all the touristy stuff and then pretty much realized we'd be wasting our money. plus it was rainy and cold outside, and most of the "attractions" were outside, so we skipped on all of it. we ended up spending three days vegging out at the house. which was nice, but made me go a little stir-crazy :)

time for picture overload...

this was our first morning at the mountain house. Dad and i took shifts with you. i woke up first at 7:30 am, and then he left me fall back asleep to watch you the rest of the morning :)

we made a nice little play area for you so we could watch football and you at the same time.

here's one of the accessories i brought - a baby gate. probably over-kill, but we were told that the railings on the stairs were big enough for you to crawl through. it wasn't though, and we could have left the gate at home...

the beautiful view off the back porch!

our first morning there while i was washing dishes, you and Dada were outside on the porch. i glance over and he is learning down looking at you. next thing i know he comes running inside with you in his arms and tells me that you're choking on a leaf. i did the "finger swipe" and could feel it but it was too far down your throat. Dada shoved his finger so far down your throat and you instantly starting crying. ohhh the relief! it was a pretty scary moment and I'm so thankful that Dada was there. the rest of the trick was spent checking for mouth for something you might be chewing on. you're like a little goat! you munch on everything!! 

p.s. i found the leaf in your poopie that evening ;)

you loved plying with this stuffed bear. i love your reaction when you see a stuffed animal! you get so excited and hug it so hard. your favorite stuffed animal is Oveito (the lamb in the background). i named him that because of the little lamb on sesame street. 

 these pictures will definitely be some of my all-time favorites!! this day we took you to the Mast General store. long story short. three years ago on this very same weekend Dad asked me to marry him :))) we took a picture in this very spot with Dooley.

October 2012

 Dad pushing you up, up, up the hill!

These pictures just melt my heart. i could literally stare at them all day. i love every picture i take of you, but every once in awhile i take a picture and realize just how beautiful you really are...that sounds sooo vain, but its sooo true! your cute little smirk just makes my heart hurt it so damn cute! When you were born Dad and I would always say that we love you so much, it hurts. sometimes when i hug and kiss you i have to stop myself from squeezing you too tight. geeeeeze, i love you so much!!!!!!

when i took these pictures, Dada said, 'get the red tree in the background" -- you can kiiinda see it over his shoulder. in real life it was such a pretty red tree.

i just want to go ahead and note that it wasn't as cold as it looks. in all the pictures you don't have socks/shoes on, and I'm like dressed for the chilly-cold. the pictures above you did have shoes on, but you took them off and chewed on the Velcro.

that booty though!! when we laid you down on your make-shift bed, that little bottom just popped right up! this picture cracks me up! and you do sleep like this all the time :)

you had just woken up from a nap and i scooped you up and held you, and you ended up falling right back asleep. so i just held you and snuggled you. i love when you sleep so soundly on me. i fell like this is when you get your best sleep. 

last, but not least, we stopped by great grad-daddy's house on the way home. he made Dada and i breakfast (grits, eggs, bacon, and sausage) and he even skipped church! he just moved up to chapin, sc and it makes me sad that i cant see him whenever anymore. he loves you so much :) you are his 5th great-grand baby, but 1st girl grand baby. it was a quick, but short trip and i wish we could have stayed longer!!

this trip was not the most successful trip with you; we've definitely had better, but i know it will get easier the older you get. and i do have to say that you are becoming more and more fun. i just cant wait until you have teeth and i can feed you whatever were eating, and when you're out of diapers and can walk, and...I'm just kidding!!! it wouldn't be worth it if it was easy!! i love you baby girl, you teach me everyday how to become more and more patience; with you, Dada and even myself. love you more than anything in this world!!!!!