liquid gold: crying over [un-spilt] milk?

So a couple weeks ago it was "World Breastfeeding Week", and that's when i had planned to write this post, but of course, life got in the way.

Here I go: We are officially done with nursing...and I cannot believe I [we] made it that long! It was a looong 17 months. There were so many times that I went back and forth on when to quit and essentially it happened pretty naturally. There were a quite a few tears and a night or two that you woke up crying for it, but I knew it was time. I could tell i was turning into a pacifier for you. And to be honest, we probably could have stopped way sooner, but you were sucking the calories out of me and I liked being skinny.

Will i nurse my next baby? You betcha!! I miss it, and I cannot wait until i get to experience that oxytocin rush associated with nursing. Plus like I said before, eating whatever i want and having the excess calories go towards milk production, is a win/win if you ask me. Although I doubt next baby gets the luxury nursing sessions you received (I'm talking about how you somehow managed to wiggle your way into our bed). Dada is going to have to buy you a TemperPedic mattress to get you to sleep in your own bed! lol, jokes on him ;)

So, where do i start...

From day one i planned to breastfeed. i read every article about it on the Internet and watch tons of YouTube videos of moms nursing their babies. To say I did my research is an understatement. I knew the minute you were born we needed to do skin-to-skin and try to get you to latch and start nursing asap. we did it, you immediately latched and you were a champ at nursing.

Breastfeeding has so many health benefits for babies and moms, but I'm not going to get into any of that...

I've probably written about most of my memories nursing you, but here are some of the times that stood out the most to me:

i thought i had the flu the second week of your life. Dada literally took care of you that first week, so once i was feeling better the second week Dada took a much-deserved day off and went fishing. later that afternoon i started having chills and an all-over not feeling very well. i took my temperature and it was around 101 F. i started panicking, insisting i had the flu. called the pediatrician to see if i needed to quarantine myself (oh wait the baby still needs to eat!!!). i was so upset and crying. i had Joanie buy me a face mask so i could still feed you. i googled what to do, because of course i needed a second opinion regarding what the Pediatrician told me...it's best to nurse through the sickness. Essentially a person has the virus in their system before symptoms show, so by the time you realize you have a cold the baby has already received antibodies from the breast milk to keep them well. liquid gold right there if you ask me. plus, i read that it's very hard for a newborn to catch a cold because their bodies have so many antibodies that are built up in the womb. but that;s beyond the point.

pumping at work. it sounded like an oil rig. I would lock myself into a small office with bright pink computer paper taped to the glass window and crank up the machine. i hated having to ask my employer if i could go pump and I'm sure they were happy to take the hot pink paper down and turn the lactation room back into an office. plus the breast milk in the fridge; it had to gross someone out.

you wanted to nurse ALL. THE. TIME. and i hated being tied down. or having to excuse myself at family functions to go feed the baby.

Dada started calling me the Milk Maid. He walked into the bedroom one time when you were about 14 months old and said, "she looks way to big to still be nursing." But he and I both knew that we were giving you the best of the best!

You didn't cut a tooth until around 9, maybe 10ish months, so I'm pretty sure that had a lot to do with how long we nursed. People would ask if you would bite me, and you never really did. When you cut your top teeth you would bite every now and then, but you were also at an age to understand that if you bit me, no more boob. so I think that if you were younger when you started cutting teeth it might have been a different story.

I'm sure there are so many more stories that i could write about nursing and such, but I've had this post in draft-form since the beginning of this blog, so I'm going to wrap it up and call it done!

Now, to start thinking about getting you out of our bed! Just kidding...i love snuggling with you :)

xoxo,
Mommy

tantrums...are we there yet?

i don't know if we are at the "tantrum stage" yet, but you are certainly throwing hissy-fits when you don't get your way. it's pretty comical, and most of the time its due to me not wanting to hold you, or holding you and putting you down. you do this body contort thing where you monkey-hold and then won't put your feet down on the ground. i end up slowly laying your whole body down on the ground and you lay there whining.

anyways...i want to remember all of this; the highs & lows, ups & downs. 

[excerpt from my iPhone notes] i'm snuggling with you right now. it's late, but Dada and i have the day off tomorrow. i'm pretty sure you threw your first temper tantrum during bath time tonight. maybe not by definition, but you definitely threw some sass at me.while i was giving you a bath you threw the washcloth out of the tub a couple times. it was saturated with water and i kept telling you "no no", however you continued to do it. on the third time i took the washcloth away. you then picked up the bath cup, filled with water and preceded to toss it out, over the side of the tub, water went everywhere! i did not yell, i quickly pulled you out of the tub, told you "NO NO!" while i showed you the mess and took you to your room to get dressed for night-night. i think you understood what you did wrong, because when we went back to drain the tub you kept saying "no no no". 

crib story

i got super frustrated with repeatedly laying you back down to go to sleep one evening; saying "time for bed", "close your eyes" "it's night-night time" so I put you in your crib. it took you less than 5 minutes to figure out how to get enough leverage to hoist your upper body onto the side rail, enough to get the tip of your big toe hooked on the edge (i was watching through the cracked door) and i pretty much ran in as you laid across the rail lengthwise with your body straddling to hold on. i brought you back into my bed; held you tightly as your breathing slowed (your tiny heart was pounding in your chest) and you fell asleep. that's how much you hate the crib, and I don't blame you one bit. 

lately...

These are some of the things i have jotted (or typed) in my iPhone's notes the past couple weeks. i figured i better go ahead and post them here sooner rather than later!!

you are giving the best kisses right now. you've transitioned from an open mouth slobbery kiss to tiny puckered lips that make a pop at the end. you will come up to my leg or while i'm holding you, on my arm and give me the sweetest little smooch. you also are starting to realize how much I love these kisses, and you are using them to your advantage. tonight (i "noted" this a week or so ago) as I laid with you putting you to bed, you sat up, grabbed my face with two hands, each tenderly holding a cheek and you have me a big "muah " on the lips. then you turned my face to the side and planted one right on my cheek. My heart literally melted and then grew so big it burst. after giving you a bunch of kisses back, you buried your face...OK I have to stop really quick...

right now you are giving my leg kisses and waving and telling me "bye". i know you don't literally mean "walk out of this room" bye, you clearly just don't want to go to sleep. 

...Continued from above:

you buried your face in the crook of my neck and kept giving me tiny tickley smooches that made me laugh to the point of crying tears, which only made you belly laugh. i love hearing you laugh like that!! i'm the only one who can make you do it; the super giggly belly laugh where you know you've been amusing or something is really funny to you. 

i really don't know how to do any of this [raising a child]; it's all trial and error. i'm terrified i might screw you up. i pray that as long as you know i love you and would do anything for you to feel safe and be happy and stay healthy that you will turn out fine. 

Lately you have been saying these words:

Mama - holds monitor and repeatedly says "Mama"
Mommy
--- Sometimes you call me Maggie, i hate when you do it, but Dad thinks its hilarious and perpetuates it, so I've started calling him T (which you say from time to time ;)

Dada

Bye

Woof

Bow

Chief

Tries to say Dooley

Ma for Noma (you call her MoMa)

Moo

Baa 

Milo - but more like Me-low
You just started saying "Yeah" when you are answering yes,  i now correct you and say Yes Ma'am or Yes Sir
You call Christine, "Tine"

You pretty much say anything we ask you to; it's just in your own language.
We politely ask you to quit speaking Chinese when you get on your babble rants.
You babble all the time! its so cute, and i know you are talking to us and you know exactly what you are saying. You will stop and wait for us to respond too.

I'm sorry for losing my patience (lately it's been too often and I feel like a bad mommy)

This morning I stopped my foot at you to come to me. I had asked you a couple times and then I let my frustration take over and I yelled "come here!" And stomped my foot.

You will hold things behind your back (like it can't be seen there) trying to be sneaky. 

we were outside and i was doing the laundry and i looked over and saw a lizard.I called you over and pointed for you to look at the lizard. you couldn't figure out where i was pointing. when you finally noticed the lizard right next to you, you got this biggest surprise look on your face (your eyes grew so big) and you you slowly backed up and looked very unsure.
Joanie said you did the same thing when she showed you a lizard. it's funny and cute, but i can only imagine what you are thinking.