peas mommy

you have finally started stringing together little two-word sentences. milk mommy / outside dada / love you do do [Dooley] / come chief, no chief

whenever you ask for something, i will ask you how we say it nicely. you'll say, peeeas. your little words melt my heart. i absolutely love hearing your little voice.

the other night around 4 a.m. i kept feeling you stir in the bed. you finally sat up and said, tummy mommy. this was your way of asking to lay on my bare tummy. we think it has something to do with breastfeeding and the skin-to-skin contact. i told you, not now, and to try and fall back asleep, but you responded with the cutest peeeas mommy. so i let you snuggle on my tummy.

in a month or so i know these tiny two-word sentences will become longer requests. i'm looking forward to it, but for now a simple peas mommy will get you anything in this world.

honey badger is your spirit animal

girlfriend!! you have been a little monster lately. I'm pretty sure your top canine teeth are about to cut, and Mama knows you do not like cutting teeth! Daddy and i are heart-broken for you during these times. I can't imagine what the pain feels like - we've all experienced it though. I kind of remember my 12 year old molars coming in, and it was dull achy pain. no matter what it feels like, i can tell you don't like it. You have not been yourself for the past week. You (and half you class) had a case of stomach bug/diarrhea, followed by the teething (or so I hope). Your temperature will spike and then drop back down to a low-grade fever. your mood gets worse in the evening, and these past two nights all you want is me snuggling up next to you. i will snuggle you to sleep and then try to sneak away to go do chores/cook dinner for Daddy, and next thing i know your wailing, half-awake-half-asleep in the bed. then it takes another 20 minutes to soothe you back to sleep. It's rough, but could be worse. I hope you always want to snuggle with me.

you're starting to speak tiny sentences, and give little commands. you are very independent! almost to a fault. we both get so frustrated at each other; you want to do everything by yourself. you definitely have your father's personality. so yeah, were trying to figure how to nurture you without hindering your independence....OK, i have no clue what I'm talking about here. sometimes i feel so overwhelmed with you and Daddy. it scared me to think that you guys might gang-up on me one day. you're too smart for your own good!

this morning it was a struggle to get you dressed. and then put your socks on, and God-forbid i put your shoes on for you. i have to secretly get your shoes out (i took all your shoes away and put them in Daddy's closet because of the temper-tantrums you would have over them - I'll save that for another post). you love love love love love loooove shoes... i get your shoes all ready; untie them; pull the tongue back and widen them up so it's easy for you to slip on. well this morning, when you tried to look down to slip your shoes on, your dress would get in the way of you seeing what you were doing. i tried to pull your dress back, but you lost it when you thought i was helping you too much. this escalated really quickly with you screaming and wanting your dress off. we were running late for playschool and work and i let my temper flare. "MAE, PUT YOUR SHOES ON NOW!" now mind you, i have to say that I've been realllly patience this past week regarding your mood, your feelings and what not, but in this moment i lost it and yelled. girlll, I've never seen you mind me more than in this moment. you picked up your shoe and asked me for help. the moment didn't last long before you were off whining about something else. but i felt as if i accomplished something great. and in that moment i was Mommy, the shoe warrior-princess. ugh! i do not like yelling at you, and I'm sorry i did (kinda)...

Today is our FriYAY, so tomorrow will be just you and me, all day. i plan on snuggling with you and getting laundry done. i pray that you will be feeling better and we can both enjoy our day together -- heck, I pray that you are feeling better and we can enjoy tonight! Maybe you will even go to bed without having to lay your head on my tummy to fall asleep and mayyybe Daddy and i will get to snuggle on the couch and watch some Netflix ;)

love you sweet-thang. growing up is hard, but i promise i will be here for you every step of the way. XO

what dat?

you will be 17-months-old on the 21st and i wish i could stop time and keep you this age forever!!...this is seriously the best stage yet! you are like a tiny little person. you sit and try to chat with us. it sounds like a bunch of marbles are in your mouth. mornings are the best. you wake so rested and happy. i noticed last night that you no longer cry when i get out of bed in the middle of the night. you woke up to nurse and i quietly told you that i would be right back; that i needed to potty. you used to start crying and try to follow me off the bed, but this time you patiently waited and snuggled up with me when i climbed back in bed.

you played outside with Dada in the garden while i was cooking last night. it was so cute. i came out to check on yall and Dad had given you your own little tomato plant to plant. when you saw me you got really excited and started rambling off what you were doing. at least that is what i think you were talking about. then you guys came inside and washed your hands for dinner.

i just love summer time with you. the days are longer; you get to do fun things with your grandmothers during the day. you've already been to the zoo, and the pool, and of course the beach.

you surprise me all the time with new words, or answering a question i've asked. you will say "whats dat?"or "what?" you know exactly what you want, and you will let whoever know. you say the cutest "no" when you don't want to do something. and last week you said Christine's name, instead of just 'Tine.

you love shoes. any and all shoes. you will come to me with two different pairs and then sit down and go back and forth over which pair you are going to wear.

you laugh during tv shows and movies. you're interacting with shows. you sing and dance and twirl. you love the song twinkle, twinkle and happy birthday. anytime you see birthday related stuff (cards, cake) you say happy. it is one of the cutest things you do.

you are the best sunggler and sleep so well snuggled between Dad and me.

you are obsessed with James and Christine is obsessed with you.

Dada and I are thinking about taking you to a movie in the next couple months.

to think at one time, i panicked over whether I'd be able to prepare dinner without interruption, or do any of my chores without needing to hold you too seems like its becoming a distant memory.

watching you grow this past year has been the most rewarding challenge of my entire life. it has been the best year of my life so far. you are an amazing little human. you are one-of-a-kind for sure.

i love with you my whole heart that it hurts. thinking about you makes me want to be the absolute best Momma in the world.

i miss my baby so much, but i am so excited to watch you grow up. one of the most amazing things is getting to watch you experience all this, and i'm so happy i get to be right there next to you helping you along the way.

Dada better watch out because we might need to add to our little family soon!!

ear tubies

Mamie, i'm so behind in writing to you!! i'm so sorry, life is moving so fast and it's sometimes hard to keep up with what we/you are doing....

a couple months back (March 17th to be exact) we scheduled you to have tubes put in your ears. not a huge deal, but still kind of scary for me, as a first time Mom. it was a quick and simple operation. you were gone from my arms less than 10 minutes. it's made the biggest difference in all aspects of our life (mostly yours).

you had three back-to-back ear infections. you hated the antibiotics. i was literally having to strait jacket you, then wrangling you down all the while trying to squeeze a syringe of yucky medicine into your mouth, and hope that you swallowed more than you spit out. it was difficult, and i was afraid that you were going to choke on the meds.

it wasn't fun for either of us. the pain from the ear infection made you fussy, irritable, affected your appetite, sleeping; caused you to get high fevers. so when we took you to the Doctor's and were told you were on your third infection, we discussed having the tubes put in...and i wish i had done it sooner! your personality did a full 180. you were happy again and not fussy. you enjoyed dinner time. i wasn't terrified of getting water in your ear and it turning into an infection. you would fall right to sleep at night; overall just a happy baby :)

liquid gold: crying over [un-spilt] milk?

So a couple weeks ago it was "World Breastfeeding Week", and that's when i had planned to write this post, but of course, life got in the way.

Here I go: We are officially done with nursing...and I cannot believe I [we] made it that long! It was a looong 17 months. There were so many times that I went back and forth on when to quit and essentially it happened pretty naturally. There were a quite a few tears and a night or two that you woke up crying for it, but I knew it was time. I could tell i was turning into a pacifier for you. And to be honest, we probably could have stopped way sooner, but you were sucking the calories out of me and I liked being skinny.

Will i nurse my next baby? You betcha!! I miss it, and I cannot wait until i get to experience that oxytocin rush associated with nursing. Plus like I said before, eating whatever i want and having the excess calories go towards milk production, is a win/win if you ask me. Although I doubt next baby gets the luxury nursing sessions you received (I'm talking about how you somehow managed to wiggle your way into our bed). Dada is going to have to buy you a TemperPedic mattress to get you to sleep in your own bed! lol, jokes on him ;)

So, where do i start...

From day one i planned to breastfeed. i read every article about it on the Internet and watch tons of YouTube videos of moms nursing their babies. To say I did my research is an understatement. I knew the minute you were born we needed to do skin-to-skin and try to get you to latch and start nursing asap. we did it, you immediately latched and you were a champ at nursing.

Breastfeeding has so many health benefits for babies and moms, but I'm not going to get into any of that...

I've probably written about most of my memories nursing you, but here are some of the times that stood out the most to me:

i thought i had the flu the second week of your life. Dada literally took care of you that first week, so once i was feeling better the second week Dada took a much-deserved day off and went fishing. later that afternoon i started having chills and an all-over not feeling very well. i took my temperature and it was around 101 F. i started panicking, insisting i had the flu. called the pediatrician to see if i needed to quarantine myself (oh wait the baby still needs to eat!!!). i was so upset and crying. i had Joanie buy me a face mask so i could still feed you. i googled what to do, because of course i needed a second opinion regarding what the Pediatrician told me...it's best to nurse through the sickness. Essentially a person has the virus in their system before symptoms show, so by the time you realize you have a cold the baby has already received antibodies from the breast milk to keep them well. liquid gold right there if you ask me. plus, i read that it's very hard for a newborn to catch a cold because their bodies have so many antibodies that are built up in the womb. but that;s beyond the point.

pumping at work. it sounded like an oil rig. I would lock myself into a small office with bright pink computer paper taped to the glass window and crank up the machine. i hated having to ask my employer if i could go pump and I'm sure they were happy to take the hot pink paper down and turn the lactation room back into an office. plus the breast milk in the fridge; it had to gross someone out.

you wanted to nurse ALL. THE. TIME. and i hated being tied down. or having to excuse myself at family functions to go feed the baby.

Dada started calling me the Milk Maid. He walked into the bedroom one time when you were about 14 months old and said, "she looks way to big to still be nursing." But he and I both knew that we were giving you the best of the best!

You didn't cut a tooth until around 9, maybe 10ish months, so I'm pretty sure that had a lot to do with how long we nursed. People would ask if you would bite me, and you never really did. When you cut your top teeth you would bite every now and then, but you were also at an age to understand that if you bit me, no more boob. so I think that if you were younger when you started cutting teeth it might have been a different story.

I'm sure there are so many more stories that i could write about nursing and such, but I've had this post in draft-form since the beginning of this blog, so I'm going to wrap it up and call it done!

Now, to start thinking about getting you out of our bed! Just kidding...i love snuggling with you :)

xoxo,
Mommy

tantrums...are we there yet?

i don't know if we are at the "tantrum stage" yet, but you are certainly throwing hissy-fits when you don't get your way. it's pretty comical, and most of the time its due to me not wanting to hold you, or holding you and putting you down. you do this body contort thing where you monkey-hold and then won't put your feet down on the ground. i end up slowly laying your whole body down on the ground and you lay there whining.

anyways...i want to remember all of this; the highs & lows, ups & downs. 

[excerpt from my iPhone notes] i'm snuggling with you right now. it's late, but Dada and i have the day off tomorrow. i'm pretty sure you threw your first temper tantrum during bath time tonight. maybe not by definition, but you definitely threw some sass at me.while i was giving you a bath you threw the washcloth out of the tub a couple times. it was saturated with water and i kept telling you "no no", however you continued to do it. on the third time i took the washcloth away. you then picked up the bath cup, filled with water and preceded to toss it out, over the side of the tub, water went everywhere! i did not yell, i quickly pulled you out of the tub, told you "NO NO!" while i showed you the mess and took you to your room to get dressed for night-night. i think you understood what you did wrong, because when we went back to drain the tub you kept saying "no no no". 

crib story

i got super frustrated with repeatedly laying you back down to go to sleep one evening; saying "time for bed", "close your eyes" "it's night-night time" so I put you in your crib. it took you less than 5 minutes to figure out how to get enough leverage to hoist your upper body onto the side rail, enough to get the tip of your big toe hooked on the edge (i was watching through the cracked door) and i pretty much ran in as you laid across the rail lengthwise with your body straddling to hold on. i brought you back into my bed; held you tightly as your breathing slowed (your tiny heart was pounding in your chest) and you fell asleep. that's how much you hate the crib, and I don't blame you one bit. 

lately...

These are some of the things i have jotted (or typed) in my iPhone's notes the past couple weeks. i figured i better go ahead and post them here sooner rather than later!!

you are giving the best kisses right now. you've transitioned from an open mouth slobbery kiss to tiny puckered lips that make a pop at the end. you will come up to my leg or while i'm holding you, on my arm and give me the sweetest little smooch. you also are starting to realize how much I love these kisses, and you are using them to your advantage. tonight (i "noted" this a week or so ago) as I laid with you putting you to bed, you sat up, grabbed my face with two hands, each tenderly holding a cheek and you have me a big "muah " on the lips. then you turned my face to the side and planted one right on my cheek. My heart literally melted and then grew so big it burst. after giving you a bunch of kisses back, you buried your face...OK I have to stop really quick...

right now you are giving my leg kisses and waving and telling me "bye". i know you don't literally mean "walk out of this room" bye, you clearly just don't want to go to sleep. 

...Continued from above:

you buried your face in the crook of my neck and kept giving me tiny tickley smooches that made me laugh to the point of crying tears, which only made you belly laugh. i love hearing you laugh like that!! i'm the only one who can make you do it; the super giggly belly laugh where you know you've been amusing or something is really funny to you. 

i really don't know how to do any of this [raising a child]; it's all trial and error. i'm terrified i might screw you up. i pray that as long as you know i love you and would do anything for you to feel safe and be happy and stay healthy that you will turn out fine. 

Lately you have been saying these words:

Mama - holds monitor and repeatedly says "Mama"
Mommy
--- Sometimes you call me Maggie, i hate when you do it, but Dad thinks its hilarious and perpetuates it, so I've started calling him T (which you say from time to time ;)

Dada

Bye

Woof

Bow

Chief

Tries to say Dooley

Ma for Noma (you call her MoMa)

Moo

Baa 

Milo - but more like Me-low
You just started saying "Yeah" when you are answering yes,  i now correct you and say Yes Ma'am or Yes Sir
You call Christine, "Tine"

You pretty much say anything we ask you to; it's just in your own language.
We politely ask you to quit speaking Chinese when you get on your babble rants.
You babble all the time! its so cute, and i know you are talking to us and you know exactly what you are saying. You will stop and wait for us to respond too.

I'm sorry for losing my patience (lately it's been too often and I feel like a bad mommy)

This morning I stopped my foot at you to come to me. I had asked you a couple times and then I let my frustration take over and I yelled "come here!" And stomped my foot.

You will hold things behind your back (like it can't be seen there) trying to be sneaky. 

we were outside and i was doing the laundry and i looked over and saw a lizard.I called you over and pointed for you to look at the lizard. you couldn't figure out where i was pointing. when you finally noticed the lizard right next to you, you got this biggest surprise look on your face (your eyes grew so big) and you you slowly backed up and looked very unsure.
Joanie said you did the same thing when she showed you a lizard. it's funny and cute, but i can only imagine what you are thinking. 

easter weekend | 2016

this past Easter weekend was full of fun and celebrating with both family & friends. i'm just now realizing how much fun having a child during the holidays really is! last year you were around 2-3 months old, you mostly slept and ate; this year i chased you all over the place!!

our weekend started out with dinner at the yacht club with the Rosenblooms. we put you and Christine's highchairs next to each other, and i've never seen you eat so much in your entire life! by the time dinner ended i was scared to give you anymore food in fear you'd puke when we got home. i might have mentioned before, but C is a good eater and i think it's good for you to eat with her because it motives you. i'm beginning to think you might be a binge eater (j/k, kinda)...you will gorge yourself one day and then go a couple days eating like a bird. sometimes i wonder how you stay alive. but you could also be filling yourself up on da liquid gold every night ;) we really need to nix this habit.  Dadda said you look too big to still be nursing; i attribute your fixation to how a crackhead loves cocaine...the addiction is real. lol. we will work on it.

Saturday afternoon we went over to the Bromberg's house for an egg hunt. Christy's house is impeccably decorated, but not very child-appropriate. she had bowls beyond bowls everywhere you turned filled with jellybeans, m&ms, malted eggs. i would be 20 lbs heavier if i lived at her house. Every time i saw James, his hand was dipping into a bowl of candy :) and you, little missy, got your hands on a malted egg and was able to nibble a bite off the top before i pried it from our hands. it was a tiny bite, so i left you enjoy the wonderfulness that is the malted candy egg. 

my favorite part of the day was seeing all your little friends dressed up in their Easter outfits (of course, saving the best for the following day :)) little man and robin were in town with baby zoë. shes about 3 months older than you and C. and then there's Ann Fleming, who's about 5 months older. i cannot wait to watch all you of grow up together!!

that night we went to Joanie's. aunt meme put pictures of Facebook so you can check that out there :) and of course Joanie got you a bunch of nonsense toys, but nevertheless you enjoyed them.

i forgot to put your Easter basket out Sunday morning...#momfail. and even bigger #momfail if you read this before you know #imtheEasterBunny. but at least you little. i ended up giving you your toys that evening after bath time. plus you liked the flip-flops Joanie game you most of all. Dadda and  i got you new white summer sandals, a big pool/beach towel; a big girl cup with matching plastic straw; some socks with bunnies on them; and plastic animals toys. 

on Sunday I talked Dadda into going to church with Joanie and me. we put you in the nursery, which is your classroom for Playschool. we celebrated Jesus's life and sacrifice; which i realize will probably be hard to explain in the coming years. James didn't really get it this year; he is 3.5. but one day :) afterward Dadda and i took you to Gommy's house for a big family Easter lunch. as always it was delicious. everyone there fawned over your dress. which i do have to say was beautiful (thank you Joanie :)) you didn't nap the whole day and fell asleep that night at 6;30 pm. Dadda went to Uncle Lock's to play video games and I got to be lazy on the couch. it was close to a perfect weekend celebrating all that Jesus did for us here on earth.

love you baby girl!! I cannot wait to spend all the holidays with you. you make them so special. i love that i'm your very best friend and that you want to be with me always, preferably being held. i know one day i will miss all these "firsts" with you. you are the best thing that has ever happen to you Dadda and me!!!!

xoxo.

Mama

weekend update - march 5/6 2016

mamie, i don't have much to write about today but i had to jot this down or else i'd forget!!

we took you to the St. Augustine Seafood Festival (it was a bust) with some friends on Saturday. we ended up walking around St. George Street and going to a bar by the "beach" instead. you behaved so well!! i got a little stressed at the bar; i gave up drinking for Lent, so while everyone had their toes in the sand enjoying their Rum Runners and Painkillers (or whatever they are called) I was chasing you around and yanking you from trying to get in the ocean...luckily Daddy could tell i was stressing, so he arranged for us to go home earlier than the rest of our crew. i've really noticed he is becoming more patience with me over the small things that i freak about. anyways, you immediately passed out on the way home and we enjoyed chatting and reminiscing about the day.

lately you've been taking one morning nap and forgoing the afternoon nap. this sometimes works out well, but sometimes you turn into a little monster by 5 o'clock. yesterday, Sunday, this was the case - i could tell you were slowing getting tired and cranky, so when 5 p.m. hit i fed you medicines (antibiotics for an ear infection; zyrtec for allergies; Tylenol for any pain from ear or teething). i got your dinner ready and started you a warm bath. Daddy was playing soccer with Uncle Lock, and I had finished everything i needed to get done, so you were my main focus.

you ate a couple bites of dinner, but were quickly over your raviolis. i could tell melt-down was in full effect!! you kept throwing your hands in the air (sign for "all done") and getting super frustrated that i wasn't getting you out fast enough. you could hear the bath water running (and you love the bath) so i knew that's where you wanted to be...im noticing more and more that you're "running the show" - we are going to have to make some changes to that!! anyways, i finally get you in the bath and you call down. i'm pulling out your bath toys and i hear some bubbles...i look over to see that you've pooped!

i quickly gathered the toys that were on the opposite side of the bath. (i've already washed them in the dishwasher once this past week from you pulling this stunt). and pulled you out to drain the tub, and start the process over.

every time i drain the water from the bath, you like to look over the side and say "bye!" to the disappearing water. your favorite bath toy is the fishing pole. it has a magnetic end that you "catch" rubber fish with, but you are not coordinated enough to catch them yet. you try, but get frustrated.

after the bath drained and i gave it a good rinse, you were starting to melt-down again. i put you back in the tub and lathered you up, rinsed you off and wrapped you up in a towel. i got your diaper and p.j.s on and took you into my room to lay down. you nursed for about two minutes and then closed your eyes and were asleep...it was 6 p.m....

i was excited but knew i was probably making a mistake by letting you fall asleep that early.

low and behold at 9 p.m. you were wide awake and ready to party. but to make a looong evening story short...around 10;30 when we finally all got back in bed, as Daddy and i lay whispering back and forth about you, we had said our"good nights' and "i love yous". we thought you too were about ready to doze off, when out of know where we hear a tiny little whistle. and then another one, one after the other until neither of us could hold back our laughter. i was crying tears i found it so funny! you then laughed at Dada and i for laughing at you.

Daddy and i both agreed that you are the love of our lives! you will always be our little girl; and even though i know we have more love to give your future sibling(s) one day, i cant imaging loving anything as much as i love you.

13 months

hi sweet baby girl! i know i've written it before, but i just cant believe what a big girl you have become! when i say "big girl" i mean in the way you are beginning to interact with people; you are still so tiny. everyone comments on your petite size, however you have the biggest personality!!

i've started asking for your "help" with little tasks around the house. for example, when we feed the dogs, i'll have you carry a food dish over to the spot where we feed them. i say "two hands" and can see you watching me, like a monkey-see-monkey-do. all the time i will ask you to pick up a piece of trash and throw it away. you are becoming very good at following commands and understanding what i'm saying. when we are playing i will say, "oh no! i hear baby Lillie crying! i think she needs a baba." and you will walk over, pick up your baby doll, go find the play bottle and feed her. i love it! you are a very sweet Mama to your babies! when i first gave you the play bottles for your babies, you didn't understand it was fake and you kept tipping them up trying to get milk/juice from them and then becoming upset. Daddy and i were cracking up watching you; and i quickly went and made you a sippy cup of milk.

Daddy and i have been bringing you out with us lately; last weekend we took you to the Riverside Beer Festival and two Sundays in a row we have taken you to brunch at Mellow Mushroom. you love it! and all of our friends love seeing you!! i hope it will help you become well socialized :)

you can say quite a few words really well. you say "bye" very clearly; sometimes you say it when you are ready to leave, like you are over a situation and you're calling the shots...its quite hilarious!

you say "more" when asking for more milk. but you say it more like "mo" (long "o" - very southern sounding). you sometimes say it in your sleep; i always wonder if you are dreaming about nursing.

you also can say "Dooley and Chief" - you don't say it often, but every now and then you will blurt it out. you get the happiest look on your face because you know how proud and excited it makes Dada and me!! and we praise you and ask you to say it again; you then might faintly whisper something that sounds like the pups' names, but its like you have to think real hard to get the sounds to come out correctly.

lately every time we get into bed to read books at night time (as long as you're not too tired), you like to crawl around underneath the covers. Dada showed you how cool it was, but now you like to do it every time we get in bed!! you cry and tug at the covers until i lift them up and let you crawl under, and then you want me to crawl under too and read you books!

last night [Feb. 29, leap day/year (?)] you were so restless!! ugh, it drove me crazy!! i was exhausted from staying up late the night before watching a show with Daddy and when you started tossing and turning  knew I had a long night ahead of me. you finally settled down sometime early in the morning; probably out of sheer exhaustion. i'm praying for a better night sleep for all of us tonight.

Daddy and I finally took you to the Zoo!! i was definitely WAY more excited than you, haha! Daddy had President's Day off and so i decided to take the day off as well and we took a family outing to the Zoo. Joanie bought us a family year-pass so we can go anytime we'd like to. the zoo has not really changed since the last time i'd been there, probably my senior year of high school, but they do have a new Asia exhibit that houses a couple tigers! your favorite animal!!! i could hardly contain my excitement when we finally arrived at the exhibit! it is literally the last stop in the zoo, and also the place where i noticed kids having melt-downs left and right. Daddy pretty much high-tailed it out of park once we had seen the tigers, haha!

Something else pretty exciting, Christine is on the verge of walking!! Last Sunday at dinner she would let go of whatever she was holding onto and would take a couple steps! I cannot wait for her to start walking; oh wait, i take that back! y'all will be into everything!!

i have never seen anything cuter than when you and C are together. Christine's face literally lights up when she sees you and you both can't wait to give the other a hug!!

you continue to love pacis, however your two middle fingers on your right hand are your go-to. you also continue to be a paci stealer! this past Sunday before dinner C was sucking on her paci and when you noticed she had it, you quickly marched over and took it from her. y'all preceded to go back and forth, stealing the paci from one another, until you took it from Christine and then offered (more like stuck) you two fingers and her mouth for a try! you two are absolutely hilarious to watch, and i swear you have this weird sister/twin bond from being together since before birth!!

you continue to amazing me all the time! your little mind absorbs so much and you are learning new things daily!!

love you more than you will ever know, i promise!!

Mama

#truelife : fortune cookies

i've been meaning to post this picture for awhile, but never got around to it until now. these were fortunes from some random Chinese/Japanese meal Daddy bought us fall 2015.

can you guess who's was who?

the top one is yours; middle is mine' and bottom one is Daddy's...they are pretty true for each of us! at least hopefully true for each of us, i'm still waiting for mine to come true!!

#fingerscrossed

one, and then some

Ok, so i just posted that last letter and then started re-reading some of my older posts, and i have to apologize for writing the saddest one-year-old post ever!! i'm so sorry baby!

so attempt #2: let's see...you turned freakin' ONE! you's a BIG GIRL WALKIN' too!!

we had a joint birthday with Christine. the cake smash was epic! best cake smash anyone has ever witnessed. i'm positive we could win big on America's Funniest Home Videos!! a short video is on Facebook, so you might have to reference multiple social media sites when reading these one day...

in other news, did i mention you are walking!! this happened in between Thanksgiving and Christmas, but by your birthday there was no more crawling. i love it!! although now you just follow me around crying for me to hold you, haha! i do, and i will until you get too big.

to say im obsessed with you is an absolute understatement! im really jealous of your eyebrows. you've got some great arches.

literally right now you are in my arms nursing while i type this sentence one-handed. i was out on the couch, but you woke up (its midnight) and i decided to move back to the bed. im wide awake and now im regretting drinking the RedBull i found in Joanie's fridge at 5 PM. yikes, it could be a long night!!

i just checked my notes on my phone where i jot down little things to remember when i write to you here and i realized i haven't been keeping up with it!

Ok, I might have to cut this short! I have so many updates that I want to write about since the last "10 months" post, but Aunt Meme (Mary) is texting me and she is currently around the world in Cambodia!!! I will get better about writing to you again!

Love you baby!
Good night - Momma

ONE

Mamie,

it's been a little over a week since you've turned one. you are growing up so fast! i love watching you become a big girl. the other day i told you to stop acting like a baby and grow up (i was only kind of kidding). you do this whiny act when you dont get your way; it sounds like a super forced cry, and then two seconds later you're over whatever made you upset and on to the next thing. Aunt B called you a wild-woman the other day; that kind of scared the shit out of me. you are sweet when you want to be, and a whiny b.r.a.t the other half of the time...pretty much, you're becoming me. Dada and i certainly have created a monster.

let's see, i havent been good about writing to you lately. life's busy, and we are moving fast (you make us move fast)!! i am enjoying you a lot more. that sounds horrible to say, and i dont mean it in a bad way, but darn, months 4 through 9/10 were difficult for me. i have learned so much about myself over this past year. you have definitely made me a better person. i pray daily to God for patience. i've had to let my anxiety go over keeping the house spic & span (spelling?). i think that's why those months were hard for me, because i was learning to let [certain] things go.

right now you are a sleep on our bed. i'm beginning to think i'm going to have the harder time moving you to your own bed. i love snuggling you. we are still nursing a couple times a night. sometimes i will deny you the boob and you sit up in bed whining and doing the sign for milk; so i cave and let you nurse. you are nursing a lot less, so i'm just going to let it play out; i've read most babies wean themselves, which would be a lot less stressful on both of us.

we've got a pretty good nightly routine down. we get home, play a little while i pick up and start dinner; you eat around 6:30ish while watching TV (i know i shouldn't start habits like this, but it's what is working for us)...i learned you will eat a lot more if you focus on something other than me. you can pretty much eat everything Dada and I eat, i just cut it into tiny pieces. for the longest time i was scared to feed you "real" food because you would always choke, but i think i was giving you too big of bites. anyway, after dinner i take you straight to the bath. sometimes we play, sometimes it's a quick rinse and get out, but i've learned that bath-time is a big part to the routine and you go to sleep better and faster after a warm bath. after p.j.s we might play a little more depending on the time, but 7:30 is time to pick out some books, climb in bed, read, and lights out. it was this part of bed-time that used to stress me out, because i knew i had chores to finish and dishes to clean, not to mention if i still hadnt eaten (or fed Dada) yet; but these past couple months i've cut myself (and you) some slack. you are not going to be my baby forever and i began to realize i needed to cherish our moments together. so some nights you might roll around trying to get tired, asking for more milk, wanting to look out the window at the moon, and we do just that. God forbid a chore on my list goes un-checked; that moment where i cant take it anymore because it's the umpteenth time you've sat up in bed while im trying to get you to sleep, and you lean over and plant a big wet kiss on my mouth, and then crash back down and you're out - that is what makes my job the best in the entire world - that is what i live for - and that is what makes me fall deeper in love with you; it's over-coming the hard, trying moments that make me realize the amazing gift i have. that gift is you, baby. you are the best part of every day, and i know Dada would agree with me.

so here is the sad part, because sometimes sadness is inevitable. i pray daily to God. i pray for lots of different things, i pray because i'm thankful, sad, mad, happy, you name it, i've prayed for/about it...
i brought you into this world because i was selfish and wanted you; and i'm so happy and thankful God entrusted me to be your mother. but i'm not going to lie when i think of all the horrible things that i have subjected you to. this world is a scary, shit-show of a place and there are people crazier than me out there. i am certain that you will hear about these types of people; you will witness their horrific acts. i pray that you never see these things first-hand.

for 9+ months i had "total" control over you. i was the one keeping you safe, and then it was time to bring you into this world. i wept the day i left the hospital because i was scared to take you out into the world, but i did want to share you with all the people i loved, so that made it easier. raising you this past year has been stressful; i have daily anxiety for your safety. i know that it will only increase the more i have to loosen my grip on your independence. one day i will not be able to have authority over you and i will have to let you go, and i know part of me will be happy. happy that i've raised you well enough (hopefully ;)) to let you be on your own, but know that my heart will be weeping, because you will always be my little baby.

i hate writing about this in my letter to you, but i've experienced a life-shaping event. one of mommy's oldest and dearest family friends passed away tragically in a car accident this past weekend. she was not wearing her seat belt and the injuries sustained took her life. she was an amazing person who helped change a lot of peoples' lives through the dogs she trained and her infectious personality. this was one of mommy's best friends' big sisters. she was an organ donor and ended up saving five other people's lives. i've done a lot of crying this past week; i hate having to watch some of my oldest friends go through this tragedy. it's absolutely heart-breaking and i pray our family never has to experience this type of pain. i haven't wanted to cry in front of you. i break down at the most random times. for awhile it seemed like a bad dream. she has already gone to be with God, but tomorrow her family will lay her body to rest. it will be a hard day for a lot of people. i know over time i will begin to feel "normal," but anytime i think of Kaye and Leigh, i lose it because i cannot imagine losing my sister. and anytime i think about how their mom might feel, i literally lose my breath and my heart feels like it might stop. that is a feeling i pray i will never fully understand.

Mamie, i love you more than you will ever know. i promise to always keep you safe and have your best interest at heart. you are the very best thing that has ever happened to Dada and i. i promise to not over-exaggerate over the little things in life, because quite honestly, life is too damn short. i love you sweetheart and have had the best year of my life so far. thank you for making it happen and being a part of it. i love you more than words can describe. i love you so much it hurts! i love being your mom and watching the little, sassy lady you are becoming. i am going to end this with two Bible verses i have seen over the past week that have helped guide me through this difficult time. i love you baby.

Isaiah 41:10 - So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

6in all your ways submit to him,

and he will make your paths straight