letters to mamie: birth story

i've been meaning to write this for awhile. now that i have finally gotten around to it i'm sure small details will get left out. although, i feel like it was just yesterday this all happened, and i wish i could go back and re-live those first couple of weeks with you :)))

this is going to be a long story...

January 20, 2015

let me start by writing you were five days overdue! so to say the anticipation was killing me was an understatement...

Aunt Leigh had already been admitted to the hospital to have Christine induced. i was soo jealous, but also really excited to meet your cousin. baby Christine was born that afternoon/evening.

at about the time C was born, i started to have some funny feelings, but didn't think much into it. (isn't this what *they* all say, lol?)

Dada and i had an uneventful evening. i think i might have ironed some shirts for him to wear to work the next couple days. around 9:30 pm we got into bed. i kept feeling a tiny cramp happen about every 20 minutes or so, but nothing that made me think, oh i might be in labor.

side note: i had read every article under the sun about anything and everything that had to do with pregnancy and giving birth, and had downloaded multiple pregnancy apps.

Dad falls asleep. (he will tell you that he was up most of the night, but I'm pretty sure you don't snore when you're awake ;))

January 21, 2015

a little after midnight, i still haven't fallen asleep. I'm laying in bed and the tiny cramps have turned into full on contractions. i still don't think i was convinced that i was in labor. excuse me, pre-labor...like i said, i knew i couldn't go to the hospital and be admitted until my contractions were about a minute long, three minutes apart. mine at this point were lasting anywhere from 30 seconds to a minute and happening every 6 to 10 minutes. i might have fallen asleep around 4 am, but i was up and moving around by 6 am.

i had a scheduled obgyn appointment that morning to check on your size, fluid levels and possibly to set a date for an induction. i told Dada when he got up that morning to call out of work because i was pretty sure i was in labor and we were having a BABY!!! to date, this was the most exciting day i have ever lived. i was so ready to meet you!

on the way to the hospital we stopped at chick-fil-a. my contractions were not as bad as they had been, but I'm pretty sure i didn't finish my food. however, i am glad that i ate because i didn't eat again until the next day. i called the doctor's office and told them i thought i was in labor. they told us to head over to labor & delivery. it was getting realer by the second!!!

we arrived at the hospital, parked our car and headed in; filled out a couple forms, got me into a triage room and hooked me up to the monitors. the nurse came in and checked the charts and told us i was 3 cm dilated and in labor. we were going to be admitted!

i was then taken to another room, a big labor & delivery room that over looked st. johns avenue. i will point it out to you one day when we drive by :) it was freezing in the room! Dada and i had planned to let everyone know i was in labor, but wanted to go through it alone. of course, the minute we found out you were actually on your way we changed our minds and invited our close family to come hangout and wait for you.

our doctor came in to check on me. he ended up breaking my water to speed up the process. oh boy, did it speed up! i think i made it through three contractions before i was asking for an epidural. this is when shit (sorry for my language) gets real.

long story short, as I'm sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, holding Dada's hand, i feel a slight pinch in my spine. i react and say, "ouch." the doctor asks if i had felt that. uh, yeah, you're sticking a needle into my spine and i felt something...the doctor immediately knows what she has done...after researching it, after the fact (like weeks after) she has essentially pushed the needle too far and ruptured the membrane in my spinal column; but more on that later...she redoes the epidural, administers the medicine and all seems well. next thing i know I'm being asked if i feel OK. i remember telling my nurse that i felt a little faint, and like i might faint again. next thing we know Joanie and Aunt Mary are being asked to leave the room. a team of doctors & nurses are rushing in. one keeps saying something about a code blue and to prepare an OR. i think it was about this time that i realized we were not OK. all i wanted to know was if you were going to be fine. it was one of the scariest moments of my life. after a couple of minutes the nurses were able to get a reading of your heartbeat by gluing a heart rate monitor to the top of your head. you were always fine, it was me who was losing consciousness, so when i started to pass out they started to prepare to do an emergency c-section. my body had reacted funny to the flood of medicines that were administered through the epidural. all was well for now...

quite some time passes...a couple hours later, i keep complaining about feeling the contractions. the doctor who gave me the epidural comes in and does an alcohol swipe test. i don't know if this is what it was called, but essentially she took an alcohol swab and asked if i could feel her wiping my stomach. i could feel it on my hip, however the higher on my waist she went, the less i could feel it. this meant that the epidural meds were slowly working their way up instead of down in my legs. at this point i was about 8 cm. the doctor explained she could do another epidural or give me pain medications. if i opted to do the pain meds and ended up needing an emergency c-section then i would be knocked out and would wake up to see you an hour or so later. if i had a redo on the epidural then if anything major happened they could do a c-section with me still coherent. scary both ways, but i chose the latter option. as i sat on the edge of the bed nearly passing out with every contraction i managed to remain still long enough to receive another epidural. these were the drugs i had been waiting for! within a minute or two the entire bottom half of my body was numb. it was the weirdest feeling i have ever felt. this was the feeling i had been waiting for; i could no longer feel any of the (extremely) strong contractions that had been wrecking my body for the past half a day. I'd say it was sometime around 3 pm to 4 pm that things started to speed up. one of the doctors had estimated that you'd be here before 6 pm, and around 5:15 pm the nurse said i was ready to start pushing. um, where was the doctor, you might wonder? i don't know if this is how it's always done, but i literally pushed until you were almost out, the doctor walks in, one final push, the doctor grabs you, makes sure you are breathing, hands you off to the nurse, doctors Momma up and then off he goes.

Daddy and the nurse, Marilyn (i think this was her name) pretty much did most of the delivering. i know Dada got way more personal than he wanted to, but when the nurse tells you to grab a leg and help, you do it! i spent about 20 minutes pushing and i couldn't feel a thing. the nurses told me i was doing a great job, so i just kept doing the same thing over and over. at one point, one of the nurses announced you had a lot of dark hair. in my deliriousness i asked to see. next thing i know they are wheeling the biggest horizontal mirror i had ever seen and placed it right at the end of the hospital bed. say what?!? you had tons of hair, but that was an image i could have erased from my memory and never care to see or think about it again! (and here i am writing about it, lol) sorry, but that was way too much for me to handle! i'm pretty sure Daddy has mentally erased a lot of the whole delivery process out of his mind too! although, he did cut the cord! I was so proud of him!

once you had arrived, the nurse got you all "pinked" up; got your blood flowing, cleaned you up (you pooped all over the doctor when you came out -- better him than in me, TMI), and wrapped you in a hospital blanket. cool fact: the blanket that you were wiped clean with was taken home to the puppies so they could learn your smell. im positive this is one of the reasons they are so protective of you! that, and the fact that you're their baby sister :) there was a waiting room full of people anxiously waiting your arrival. after you were snug as bug, Dada called Joanie on her cell phone (she was in the waiting room); when she answered, he put you up to the phone so everyone in the waiting room could hear your little cries! it was sooo sweet, and everyone was in tears. i on the other hand was experiencing round three of intense pain. its even documented, i literally birthed you and Daddy's taking a video and you hear me ask if the headache was normal?

remember back when i wrote about the botched epidural? well this whole time spinal fluid had been leaking into my spinal column causing an imbalance of fluid and making my brain feel like it was sagging. mutha-trucker, you know what...i would have rather given birth to you ten times without medication than to ever experience those headaches again. im not going to lie, it literally ruined the first couple days of new life with you. i ended up going back to the ER the next Monday and having blood drawn, then another epidural where my blood was injected into my spinal column to essentially clot the punctured hole. it was horrible, yet instant relief all at once. i wish someone had of recommend it sooner than 5 days after you were here, but whatever...you were born safe & healthy, and that is all that i could ask for!!

after countless pictures were taken, visitors had come and gone, and we had been at the hospital for about two days, we were more than ready to leave. we talked with multiple nurses, had all the required tests (you passed all with flying colors), i began to pack up all our things and we were taking you home!!! at this same time i completely lost it; i was so scared! i was leaving with a tiny human being and i had no clue what to do (along with the debilitating headaches, on top of hardly any sleep in the past 48-hours), you had me scared beyond words.

your Dada kept you alive for the first couple days after bringing you home. all i could do was lay horizontal and pop painkillers (PSA: if a doctor ever "wet taps" you while getting an epidural, ask for the "blood patch" asap!!). those first couple weeks with you were trial and error. it was definitely a roller coaster ride of figuring out what to do and when. i remember thinking that i would never make it out of the house again. I distinctly remember getting ready to go somewhere, probably a doctor's appointment, giving you a bath, bathing myself (this included putting on makeup & blow-drying my hair); i filled you up with yummy breast milk, but forgot to burp you (whoops!) i picked you up off the bed and you spewed milk ALL over me. i instantly started crying. it's funny to think back on those days. at the time i thought we'd never make it out of the house again. over time i began to learn the routine and schedules in order to make the days easier. i loved those days and cant wait to relive them again when we give you a sibling...one day :))

now you are such a "big" little girl. there isn't a day that goes by that you completely melt my heart. i loved that feeling of oxytocin that i would get in those first couple months of nursing you. the feeling is hard to describe, but i'm sure all nursing moms know what im talking about. i long for you to be that tiny baby again who gets a full belly of milk and then passes out for a couple hours. but at the same time, i cant wait to watch you grow and begin to walk and talk. its the absolute most fun thing i have ever experienced. its a constant sting of firsts, from the first bath, to your first solids (you had your first butter cookie the other day), to your first tooth popping up. i love it all, and i love you the most!!

i know details have been left out here and there, but im glad i have finally written this story for you. its the best story to date and i cant wait to add to it every day!

anddd, on a side note, you were born with a permanent best friend for life!! you and christine were born about 22 hours apart! how cool?!? you guys are already the bestest of friends! and the two cutest babes i have ever seen!

xoxo